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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23102476">a heart worth fighting for is not worth dying for</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itbelynx/pseuds/itbelynx'>itbelynx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Love Confessions, M/M, Resurrection, ep98 spoilers, post death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:55:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23102476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itbelynx/pseuds/itbelynx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>EP98 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!</p>
<p>Fjord dies, and the Mighty Nein have to try and revive him. It doesn't go as planned and they are forced to do a different tactic, leading to some heartfelt moments and confessions of love to try to bring their friend back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fjord/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a heart worth fighting for is not worth dying for</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi ep98 fed me well as a wf shipper and i knew i needed to try and write something for that, so take this</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The ringing of bells stirred him awake. He jumped out of bed, reaching for his satchel as he stumbled out of his room. He and the clerics made quick work of the weird fish things on their deck of the ship. They turned their attention down the hall, ready to make their way up when they heard a heavy </span>
  <em>
    <span>THUMP</span>
  </em>
  <span> above them, followed by a blood curdling scream from Beau. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“FJORD!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The three of them looked at each other in horror for the briefest of moments before all panicking to get to the stairs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb calculated in his head, seeing how long that hallway was and how quickly his heart was racing. He’d never make it up in time. He needed to get to the main deck quickly. Hastily, he took out a raven feather from his pouch, muttered an incantation and with a flick of his wrist he was in the air. He pulled himself through the porthole and went straight up. He surveyed the battlefield, noting his unconscious friend on the deck of the ship. He could see Yasha and Caduceus coming up the stairs quickly as Jester appeared very suddenly on deck as well. He breathed a sigh of relief that was quickly cut short as he watched who he assumed was the leader drive his sword into Fjord, a familiar feeling twisting in Caleb’s gut as he watched his friend die and he could not do anything. Once again, he was powerless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re a good man. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words of his friend echoed in his mind, a conversation he had just had with the man just the day before. A good man. He wasn’t a good man, not really. But he could use the things he learned in school to do good deeds. He poured his heart out as he unleashed his most powerful spell, felt the stinging of tears in his eyes, thankful the storm was able to cover that.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the fucker still stood. Caleb moved himself closer, wanting to make sure he was within range of this piece of shit at all times. The asshole started to do a spell he recognized that Jester used. He batted it away, glaring down at the enemy who hissed back up at him as he tried to carry Fjord’s body away. Yasha was there in a second and took no time to carve him in half, throwing his body overboard and making sure it stuck to the side. A warning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turning, he saw another person who had evaded his vision prior to this. He pulled a leaf and stomach from his pouch, creating a fake bow and arrow in his hand before he fired it at the enemy, hitting him right in the back of the head and watched as he dissolved against the bannister of the ship and dropped down to his dead friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rain beat at all of them as Jester stepped forward, presenting a diamond and saying a prayer to the Traveler and the Wildmother as she placed it against Fjord’s chest. Caleb sunk to his knees as he watched, fear clawing at his throat through a sob. The diamond shattered against the half orc’s chest, lighting up and casting sorrowful shadows against the members of the Mighty Nein. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The light faded and they all were frozen, holding their breaths as they waited for Fjord to take his own again. But that did not come. He did not breathe again, instead just remain cold and unmoving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Numbness took over Caleb’s body as self doubt and blame settled in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fjord! Fjord!” Jester cried out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened?” Beau asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It didn’t work! Why didn’t it work?” Jester was shaking Fjord now. “Fjord, please! Wake up!” She turned her attention over her shoulder. “Caduceus!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The firbolg walked over, having gone to take care of Orly who Caleb hadn’t even noticed had gone down as well, entirely too focused on Fjord. Walking over, Caduceus frowned at their dead friend. He looked the most upset that Caleb had ever seen him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s get him back inside. I have a spell I can do, it will just take some time. And I’ll need help to do it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yasha moved forward and gently picked Fjord up. They all moved to the Captain’s quarters. Fjord was placed on the bed. Jester and Beau held each other as they both wept inconsolably. Caleb stepped forward and began to clean the wound on his friend’s chest as he fought the tears in his eyes. He wrapped the wound as gently as he could with shaking hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m going to begin. I’ll need three people to help me while I do this. You’ll have to step forward and speak out to Fjord’s soul, convince him to come back, try to plead with the Raven Queen to let us keep him. I refuse to believe that this is his time until the Wildmother herself tells me.” Caduceus spoke calmly but Caleb could hear the venom and anger on his tongue. He half wondered if the firbolg felt betrayed by his goddess, having saved Fjord only to let him die anyways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll help,” Beau and Jester said at the same time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus nodded. He looked around at the three left. He and Caleb made eye contact and Caleb nodded, taking the third spot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Here we go.” The firbolg started setting up his ritual. He placed a very large and expensive looking diamond over the bandaged wound. He began to speak the words of the spell softly, gesturing over Fjord as he did so. The rest of the Nein stood around, waiting for whatever Caduceus needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, whoever’s first.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester stepped forward, tears still streaming down her face. She placed a flower crown on his head, which Caleb assumed she had painted when he wasn’t paying attention. She then took his hand. “Fjord… I don’t know if you can hear me, but we need you to come back, okay? You’re our captain. We all love you very much and we won’t be the same if you’re gone. My mama told you to keep me safe and you promised you would. How can you do that if you’re dead?” She gave his hand a squeeze before getting up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus spoke for a few more minutes, gesturing some more as he spoke his spell. He caught Beau’s eye, nodding to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau sighed as she stepped forward and sat next to him, taking his hand as she would someone in an arm wrestling match. “I know I’m your first mate but I don’t know what I’m doing here. I can’t take over for you for this. You’re much better at people-ing than I am. I know I’ve gotten better but I can’t fucking do this without you, man. You’re supposed to be here to check me when I go too far, but you can’t do that if you’re dead. So, like… get back here. Or I’m gonna kick your ass.” She paused for a moment, bowing her head as though to try and hide what she was about to say. “I already lost Molly. I can’t lose you, either.” Beau stood up and walked a bit aways, wiping her face as she did so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few more minutes passed by, Caleb counted them in his head. It had been almost an hour since they had started. He could feel parts of his clothes that had dried but still retained water, not to mention all the water in his boots. He hoped he didn’t chafe in his armor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Caleb, your turn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man nodded, stepping up and sitting next to Fjord. He reached over and took the hand that bore the scar that matched Caleb’s, tracing it gently with his thumb. “Once upon a time you promised to repay me for what we did on that altar. After Felderwin, I pushed that out of my mind. And then in Rexxentrum, you kept checking in on me, making sure I was okay and I almost completely threw it away. And after your kind words yesterday after I told you-” He stopped a moment, his throat caught on the words. “After I told you what I had done a long time ago, you held no ill will towards me, still believing in me, seeing </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> in me. After all of that I completely threw out that promise of repayment because I knew I could never ask something of you because you’re such a better man than I am.” He matched his own scar against Fjord’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cut palm to cut palm. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Well, I’m doing it now. This is the favor I ask. You will return to us right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb hesitated for a moment before moving Fjord’s hair from his forehead and leaning down to kiss his brow, the same place he had kissed Essek but this was different. This was harboring and hiding emotions and feelings that Caleb was afraid to let run wild and open, feelings he had not truly expressed in such a long time. The half-orc’s skin was still a little moist and smelled of the sea, which is what Caleb assumed he always smelled like. He leaned back and gave the scarred hand a squeeze as Caduceus finished his spell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all waited in bated breath, holding back tears and holding onto hope. Caduceus spoke the last of the incantation, pressing his hands onto the diamond, which shattered like the others did during a revivify spell, the light fragments dancing across everyone’s faces. The storm and sea seemed to stop for a moment as they waited. Caduceus removed his hands just as Fjord inhaled a deep breath, almost choking on it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The whole room seemed to exhale, shaking their fears as they did so. Fjord coughed for a moment before opening his eyes and focusing on everyone around him. He gave a weak smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said softly. “Did we get ‘em?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we got them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord nodded. Caleb felt him squeeze his hand and it was then that Caleb realized he hadn’t let go of it. He felt a blush burn across his cheeks, which only burned a little darker as Fjord smiled. He made a move to sit up and pretty much everyone was immediately there to help him. When he was finally situated, Beau shoved him a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not allowed to die anymore, okay?” She had tear tracks on her face and some tears still in her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord huffed a small chuckle of a laugh. “Yes, ma’am.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes roamed around to all of his friends. He seemed overwhelmed, a couple tears of his own falling down his cheeks. “I don’t know what to say, other than thank you. I owe you all my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You would have done the same for us,” Jester said through the lump in her own throat after crying for so long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s true, I suppose. Jester, Beau. I heard you both. Your words called out to me, helped me find my way. And then Caleb,” Fjord turned to him, holding his hand with both of his own. “You telling me that </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was how I was going to repay you… How could a man say no to that? You’ve done so much for me, I knew I would need to repay that sooner or later. And I’m so glad this was your reasoning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb didn’t know what to say, just bowed his head, grateful to have his friend back. After a moment he finally spoke. “I’m sleeping with you from now on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?!” The whole room erupted at once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-Not like that!” He panicked, sitting up and putting up his hands to try and defend himself. “I’m going to make a dome around you every night we’re on the ocean, so this doesn’t happen again. Buddy system, ja?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord nodded. “Okay. I’m exhausted, so I’m gonna rest.” He leaned back and almost immediately passed out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb immediately began casting both Alarm and Tiny Hut around Fjord. He would not let anything else come to harm Fjord, not while he could help it. The rest of the Nein, while still shaken, headed to bed as well. Once the spell was finished, he sat on the bed next to Fjord and just watched him for a while. He, too, eventually fell asleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hours later, he awoke to find Fjord looking at him with the gentlest expression as the sun poured in through the widows and cascaded onto them. The sounds of the rest of the crew and the Mighty Nein buzzing around outside were muffled against the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” Fjord said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Better. Thank you, by the way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a group effort.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was and it wasn’t. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Your</span>
  </em>
  <span> words are what pulled me fully back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> brought me back. And I can’t help but…” If he had a thought he never finished it. He took Caleb’s scarred hand, pressing their palms together. “I care about you a great deal, Caleb. I have for a very long time, and when we had this moment… that’s when it was cemented for me. That’s when I knew I would do anything for you, do anything to keep you safe and do my best to keep you from harm. And when I took up my vow with the Wildmother, you were the first person on my mind that I knew I needed to protect with everything that I was. I meant what I said, yesterday. You are a good man.” He looked at Caleb, bright yellow eyes holding so much compassion and love and understanding within them it nearly broke Caleb to see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fjord… I don’t know how you see so much good in me. I will never forgive myself for what I did. But,” he paused to look at their hands, fingers now interlaced, “I am learning to move past it, learning to love and know what it’s like to have a family again. And you’re a big reason for that. So, thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord smiled softly. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it before leaning over and kissing Caleb, who froze. Never did he think he would have this, not since Astrid and Eodwulf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Fjord said after pulling away. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was cut off by Caleb pulling him back in for another kiss, drinking him in and reveling in the smell and taste of Fjord. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You talk too much sometimes.” </span>
</p>
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